I Shouldn't be Blogging

I'll make this quick because it is literally the second-to-last thing that I should be doing on my list of things I want to do.  (The absolute last is setting fire to and/or murdering something.)

It's finals week. As each day ticks by more and more of my fellow students get relieved and exciting with exclamations of "I'm Done!" or "One more and I'm outta here!" For me, each day brings more stress and anxiety and, with that, more procrastination. It is so frustrating to know exactly what you need to do and not be able to do it. This has been my worst semester since leaving Truman. I hate this feeling. I am so disappointed in myself. And, as is par for the course, I blame the ex. He's the only thing different this semester, other than it being a toughie. (And why not take every single opportunity to blame him while I can!?) Its not true. I don't blame him. I blame myself. I'm hoping that the next few weeks of testing, and sleep, etc. will bring clarity and resolution so I can power through these next 12 months. THat's it!! I have exactly one year left - I CAN DO THIS!! Suck it up! Get to work!

Also, while I have your attention, and since this is one of the safest places to voice this because it has no actual bearing on reality or what is happening...I want a baby. I want a family. ahhh to dream. Ok - Theory final, prepare to be dominated! (or at least survived)

Doldrums

I miss my OP life sometimes. Like...a lot of the times.  This is one of those times....that's all.

Hello Lovelies!

It's Spring, and oh how I love Spring! So many things are happening this spring that it is often overwhelming and certainly too time consuming to pop on and blog every day....not that I did that when my life was boring but still.

SO here is the rundown:

Italy = AMAZING!! Truly awesome in the literal sense of the word. We, of course did not have enough time but I am grateful for every second we were blessed enough to enjoy. Italy is a gorgeous country, we had beautiful weather, and I got to sing in some gorgeous old churches. Not to mention walking the hillsides and seeing roman ruins. I took approximately 1300 photographs in my 9 day journey. About 300 of them have been uploaded to Facebook should you feel so inclined to peruse. The people there were so welcoming and nice and adorable - yes adorable because so many of them are so very very little. Also the Market in Firenze (that's Florence to you non-world-travelers ;) ) is a great place for one's self esteem...so long as you can ignore the fact they are only saying such things to get you buy their goods. I can accept that. Flattery will get you everywhere in my world - just ask Franco who tied my scarf for me, or the man who called me Shakira. We're basically BFF's now. There was some discussion among the cool kids (That's me and my friends) about how we were afraid that some of these great places we'd heard all about and seen pictures of would "pull a Mt. Rushmore" . (If you've been to Mt. Rushmore you will understand...if you haven't then feel free to ask me and I will gladly explain.) We were, however, not in any way disappointed. The David will take your breath away! The Leaning tower of Pisa, does , IN FACT, lean. And you can't help but take several pictures of the touristy type. The Colosseum was incredible and our tour guide filled us in on so many neat little facts I never would have known before - like the fact that it has GATE NUMBERS that would have been carved on their TICKETS. Makes sense....but not what you expect from Gladiators and Chariot races. I could go on and on - but I will not bore you with details...unless you ask. 'cause then its your own darn fault!

School - School is kicking my butt this semester. 21 credit hours plus and additional 3 ensembles was not my best choice. I am afraid my GPA might drop a little this semester and I"m trying to tell myself that that is ok. I have to pass these classes....that's all I have to do is PASS. I am told frequently by others that they have faith in me, that they know I am strong and can do this...I fear I may have done too good of a job at faking it these last couple years.

Also - I'm pretty sure that I have some form of ADHD. I'm sure that many of you who have known me for more than, oh, let's say a week?, are in no way shocked at such a statement. I asked my mom if my teachers had ever approached her with concerns in this area, she said that they hadn't approached her but that it was something she'd been suspicious of all along. I have been warned in both my developmental psych class and my overview of special ed class that all people show most symptoms at some point in their life and so to beware of diagnosing yourself. That being said, the more we learn about the may incarnations of the disorder, the more and more it makes sense in my life. Should I be on Ritalin? Maybe. But...

OH before I forget!! I am hoping to do my senior recital in October of this year! Can you believe it's already time for that? I've been working on some pretty difficult pieces this semester and am surprising myself (and my instructor) with my progress on them. And of course, I'm excited for some fun theatre pieces as well.

(See what I did there? That was kinda funny huh?)

Damon and I are still together - yes I know many of you think this is weird but it works for us. And I love having a buddy to be lazy and watch movies with. And he lets me sing along to the musicals - even if he hasn't seen them before. That's just good manners!

Louie is doing well. He's been chasing the same fly all day and it is extremely entertaining for me, though I'm sure he is very frustrated. I am slightly worried he is going to break the window in the bedroom each time he slams his nose into it, but he's cute so why ruin his fun?

This is a very random post - blame the ADHD - but it is time for Institute and if I don't post now I'll never get back to it, at least not before September. SO have a delightful day and enjoy the Spring!!

Despite Rumors to the Contrary....

....I am, in fact, alive. I have not posted here since oh I don't know June? April? 2003? Whatever the point is I'm here now, take what you can get people!

This school year has been a lot more challenging and stressful than I had originally anticipated but I am surviving and maintain a pretty decent gpa. I moved out of my parent's house at the end of august and into a ghetto-fabulous duplex in Pittsburg. I can not begin to tell you the amount of relief that comes from NOT having a 40mile commute one-way to school every morning at 7 am! That being said, it is suddenly much easier to oversleep than it was before the commute...whoopsies. *Note to self...get your heiny outta bed!

Being on my own has brought a renewed sense of freedom and independence, and a neediness for my parents when something goes wrong. Last semester was ridiculous! Remember when I said my life was like a TV show and you all laughed like I was kidding? Yeah - days of our lives' got nothing on this! In fact other people told me last semester that my life was like television. I keep hoping that once A is fixed, B can be repaired, then C will be able to be taken care of and certainly D is the last MAJOR issue to come up....but I'm not holding my breath, lest E be a trip to the ER for symptoms of oxygen deprivation.

For those of you not in the know on the FB circuit, my divorce was FINALLY finalized on September 14, 2011. I am officially rid of the Velasquez name (except on my driver's license - that's next on the list). I am so grateful to be done with that hassle and hopefully the remnants of hassles will be resolved soon. That evening I went on my first date as a single lady. If you think that that was not wasting any time and perhaps too soon I would like to remind you that I had been separated for a full 2 years at this point. Not to mention the man that took me out, Damon, is very sweet and had waited for close to 6 months to do so, respecting the legal marriage. Damon and I have been dating ever since and its fun to have a boyfriend - though I'm certain I'm not very good at it most of the time and I panic over completely insignificant situations. He's very understanding and tries to hide his laughter at my ridiculousness, so for that I thank him.

This semester is shaping up to be even more crazy than the last so I must keep reminding myself it will all be worth it when I am student teaching next spring! Not to mention all the sweet things I get to do in this craziness including a trip to ITALY on a performance tour with the PSU choirs over spring break. It will be amazing, feel free to be jealous! For choirs alone we have a performance ever month, let me break it down for you in case you feel inspired to attend, or just so I have them all written in one place lest I forget:

April 29 - Fundraising concert at St. Peter's Episcopal in Pittsburg

March 9 - Spring Coir Concert, McCray Hall

March 17-26 - ItalyPerformance Tour

April 29 - "Psalmfest" concert at United Methodist in Pittsburg

I love to sing so I'm of course excited about all these opportunities but also know it will be a lot of work for my 4 ensembles in addition to my 20 other hours. Okay...deep breath.

So if I disappear into the ether again this semester, I apologize. They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger...so if it's been too long you might wanna come check on me. I might actually have been killed.

:D Love you all!!