Coulda, Shoulda...Didn't...Won't

I had such plans for my "back to school" blogpost. I was going to put a "first day of school" picture from my childhood and take one on August 23rd to commemorate my return to scholarly pursuits. Then I would discuss (as a well-educated college girl) the similarities and differences of my first day of grade school and the one I've just experienced, perhaps a venn diagram would be involved, there's no telling. Sounds positively insightful doesn't it? There are some significant problems with this idea: First, the lack of an easily accessible picture from my "first" day of school. (The use of quotations is significant only to the middle child in me who thinks it bears noting that my traditional "First Day of School" picture actually depicts my first day of first grade, not kindergarten.) I know its in the box of photos somewhere but that's a rabbit hole that always takes you a while to find your way out of. Secondly, I did not take a picture of my first day back to school because I was FREAKING OUT!! The level of anxiety about returning to school may, or may not, have been a little overly dramatic. Also, my mother mocked my anxiety and I can not imagine what asking her to take said photo would have given her in the way of mocking material not to mention what would have happened had my brother and/or father found out. Finally--I did not have the time or energy to do that post justice. It just wouldn't be fair of me to start such an amazing venture only to finish it half-assed because I forgot how EXHAUSTING school can be. Lets discuss that point for a second, shall we? I remember in high school going to school from 8-3 and then doing theatre and debate and showchoir and working and staying up late. Occasionally an early morning seminary attendance was thrown in there. For the last several years I have worked. --Ten-hour shifts at the hospital, more with privacy calls. In OP: 7:30am-1 with 3 girls under the age of three and then 1:30-5:30 in an office of men who acted under the age of 3 --and again, stayed up late on a regular basis. I have, apparently, aged 97 years in the last couple of months. I get up at 6, start class at 8, done by 3/3:30 but am falling asleep by 9:30pm. Aren't college kids supposed to be resilient? Aren't we supposed to be pulling all nighters and out partying til 3in the morning? I really need to be working but I can't imagine where I would get the energy to do so...so I guess its good nobody's hired me? I am obviously not a college kid any longer. I am reminded of this fact each and every morning at 8am when I join the ELEVEN-year-old college kid in my music theory class. Alex is a double major in piano performance and biology. So not only is he mega young, but he's a DOUBLE major...one of which is BIOLOGY. I apologize for the excessive (?) use of capitalization but I feel these points bear stressing as much as possible.

Other than that, school is good. Two weeks in and Halley's pulling Straight A's! WHAT?! yeah! Also I made both the small ensembles I auditioned for (one of which has me singing alto--yikes). I haven't quite reached the panicked-overwhelmed-feel-like-committing hari kari-stress yet so I'm looking forward to that! I am in percussion techniques where I learn how to play/teach percussion and, it turns out, my family was right--Halley is not a good drummer. Good call, Sagengs, Good call. I'm also in string techniques (I bet you can figure out what that class is for) and so far it's fun but I have to keep my fingernails short because Ms. Giray says they aren't just mine anymore--they're hers. At least the four that I place on the strings. She says I can keep the others long, So I'm considering that as my next fashion look.

I'm glad to be back in school and am adjusting back to student life. I've realized how vastly different the music program is from theatre and feeling like I may, actually, be prepared for my life beyond. Here's hoping!

Hey Remember That One Time?

Remember 2 years ago when I got married? What a difference a couple years can make eh? I am grateful to have had the time I had with Johnny and know that I will always have good memories of those short few years. I am also grateful to know that life isn't over because we didn't work out. I had an awesome opportunity to travel west last week and witness the marriage of two of the most amazing people I know, Ryan and Jannali! Looking at them reaffirmed my belief in the marriage ordinance--Jannali looked SO gorgeous and they were obviously SO happy and I know they are SO going all the way!! I was so blessed to be able to celebrate with them and see some great friends I haven't seen since my own reception. How awesome to be able to see these people 2 years later and not feel like a week had passed since then! I was also able to get some prayers and questions answered in attending the temple with my mom. I filled out divorce papers and delivered them to Johnny's parents for him to file. I don't know that he will follow through on it but I have done my part and it is on him til December. I got to spend some quality time with my nephew, Tristan. He has changed a bit since John and I used to babysit when he was a little turtle baby. I have been deemed Auntie "Ha" Halley is difficult to say (Even for many adults) and making him laugh is the funnest thing I can think of so I will take it!! It was quite the week Were there times that sucked the big cahones? Why yes, yes there were. Was it all worth it? You bet your sweet bippy it was!!

Mommy and I hitting the Road. In Coordinating outfits, of course!

Kimber Sue and I at the reception of the year! Can't wait to be her fake lesbian wife in Wyoming! HAHA

Andrea and Halley are pretty much models! So Hot right now!

My Wiggly lil' Nephew, Tristan and his Auntie Ha!

The Totally Gorgeous Bride and Groom. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!

Never Trust a Skinny Chef

My father is a subscriber to this belief system and so, as the resident chubster child, I made a tasty dinner for Father's day last week. I've had requests for recipes (because they were both delicious and healthy--don't tell Daddy) and I took some pictures to show off my kitchen adventures so as they say in Bud Light commercials: Here we go!


I made these Ooey Gooey Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese Icing the night before so Daddy could have them before church. They were SO good! At 120 Calories a piece you can afford, as Dad chose to do, to eat 6 before dinner!

It is not a very difficult recipe but it takes up some room so click HERE for the link if you want to try it yourself. They look a little messy in the pan but as you can see in this shot, it's just their amazingly delicious cinnamon ooziness spreading its love across the pan. I could eat one right now!

For dinner I made grilled round eye steaks (a delicious and healthy option when it comes to steak), fresh snow peas steamed from Mom's garden, baked russet potatoes, and these next two recipes.

I started with a baked version of the delicious-but-disgustingly-bad-for-you Onion Blossom. Instead of one or two JUMBO onions I did a medium/large onion for each person so it was slightly more labor intensive and I think had a little more breading than normal (I blame my mother for my math issues in quintupling the recipe). If you're good at math or are just going to follow the recipe, click HERE.

It was pretty good. DEFINITELY make sure the onions are dry before putting them in the egg wash or you will get frustrated! I also upped the calorie count by dipping mine in light ranch rather than the fry sauce they suggest.



And now for the piece de resistance: Key Lime Mousse Pie! No messing around here. This is the recipe everyone actually wants so I'll put it right at the beginning of my spiel so you don't have to read any further if you don't want to. If you choose not to read on, my tip for this recipe is make sure you have a deep pie pan. Mine was a bit shallow and nearly over-flowed.

Food is an experience for all senses so I tried to make it pretty. We sugared some fresh limes---just make sure you eat those before you dig into the pie. Afterwards its a bit...tart. We spruced it up a bit for Daddy (and the rest of us) by garnishing with Reddi-Whip. But hey, at a miniscule 15 calories per serving--so worth it! If you do choose to reddi-whip it, do so just before serving. We did ours earlier and just put it back in the fridge and the whip melted. (Bummer we had to add more...hehehe)

This is 1/8th of the pie which is equal to one serving. Without the added whipped cream it is only 88 calories. That's no pansy skinny girl slice of pie people, and it is only 88 calories. The pie itself is only 1 weight watcher's point, with 4 Tablespoons of reddi-whip it is still only 2. So delicious, so crave-able, so easy and equally easy on the waistline.

Sorry for the wait! Hope its worth it and with some of these recipes, I'll soon be untrustworthy as a chef. :D

Journeying On

I often wish my life was like an episode of Glee...that when the moment called for it I could bust into an awesome version of "Don't Stop Believing" or the classic "Ice Ice Baby" and yes, occasionally "Poker Face"--don't judge! Even without the back up band and ensemble and with a somewhat lacking production value, I try to live my life as a musical (or at least with a killer soundtrack). Songs particularly fitting with my life at the moment seem to find their way from chaos and into a loop in my head. This does not annoy me--I apologize if it annoys you when I randomly start singing along with the non-existent-in-reality background music. One such song has brought itself to my attention today. I can't tell you the last time I actually heard this song or watched the beloved cartoon musical for which it was penned, it just was something my life needed today. Ignore the part about the past--that doesn't make sense, I am not a amnesiac princess who was abandoned by her family (though what a blog THAT would make!)--but focus instead on the references to future, family, and the journey. One step at a time...its playing in my head right now! Do you hear it?

Heart, don't fail me now
Courage, don't desert me
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
Or how the world can seem so vast
On this journey...to the past

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong!
Arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
Fin'lly home where I belong
Well, Starting now, I'm learning fast
On this journey...to the past

Home, Love, Family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home, Love, Family
I will never be complete
Until I find you...

One step at a time,
One hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future,
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign!
Let this road be mine!
Let it lead me to my past
to bring me home...
At last
-Journey to the Past from Anastasia

PS~If you were able to read that and NOT sing along, you might be heartless and we probably can't be friends. LOVES!!

Moved

Hello dear blog-following friends and welcome to any random blog-stalking visitors. I have successfully moved...again. This makes #6 since moving to Utah in August of 2006. Yep, 6 in less than 4 years. Originally I had planned on working and getting an apartment soon but I just don't think I can move again for a while. It is a bit of an adjustment to move back home after being with roommates, then your husband, then just you and your dog. The amount of time spent half dressed or running to the other room for something in just your undies is cut down considerably. I'm 24....not ancient by any means but definitely not a spring chicken (trust me...my mom has some 85+ spring chickens and other forms of fowl.) But I think I may be just a little too old to be living at home. At least without some serious readjusting. My mom is my best friend. I've been saying this for years and I think its very true. But we need to learn how to live together again. I've been here quite a bit the last several months since I lost my husband and its always been great. However, after more than just a few days, with stress (plus heat and humidity) high I've come to the realization that just going home and being by myself is not as easily achieved. I may or may not have had a minor break down in an argument with my mother, Sorry Mommy. I locked myself in my bedroom for several hours just to be alone and contemplate how, for someone who HATES to be alone, I really needed alone time then. I am sure that, when I get a job, things will be much better. And once the remainder of my stuff is no longer in the living room. Also, poor Louie is very confused. He has been almost as clingy if not more so than when I first got him. And the country bugs are doing a number on both of us! I pulled 6 ticks off him last night and another 8 this morning before deciding I don't care if its a week early and giving him his medication. The mosquitoes think I am particularly sweet and I have countless bites to prove it. I wish I had a monthly treatment I could rub between my shoulderblades and tail that would keep from being snacked on. Other than trying to settle in and unpack, I am trying to find a job. I've had a few nanny-position interviews. One of which went very well and one of which was super crazy ($60 a week for 40+ hours?) and I have another tomorrow with another music education major from Pitt State. Things could go well there! Mom just invited me to go get Shake's with her using the quarters from Daddy's change jar. Yes thank you! Y'all have an enjoyable summer evening. Frozen Custard here I come!

Damn My Morals!

Oh the life of a pretend TV Star! The plot thickens as our heroine faces, yet another, something new and unexpected in her life.

I don't know if it was sheer happenstance, a test, or a reminder of what I want and need in my life. Maybe it was a bit of all three: a chance meeting that tested my strength and morals and eventually reaffirmed what it is I need. Or maybe it was something else I needed: a reminder that someone finds me attractive and desirable given the recent news that I have been replaced.

I stuck to my guns....after a week or so....and said NO. I know a lot of people probably think its too soon for me to have this drama (myself included sometimes). But my would this show be boring without a hot guest star to spice things up a bit?

In A Holding Pool

I got an email this week from the music department at Pitt State telling me that, though not a current scholarship recipient, I am currently in a "holding pool" for scholarship money. To help me feel better, Dr. Fuchs included in the letter that there were 15 people they could not make any offer to at all. So--I'm better than at least 15 people but they're not sure I'm good enough to give a scholarship--though after renewing current scholarships and allotting money there, they may have some to share. That would be awesome! Even just $50 a semester would help--and if I'm given a reward now, it can always increase. STILL crossing my fingers and saying my prayers!

But it got me thinking...I feel like I'm living in a holding pool. I haven't moved yet, I haven't started school, I still have lots of work to do before I go....but I know I'm leaving, and a part of me already has. I am in a giant transition stage--but there is no transitioning taking place yet. Divorce papers are not filed, but I've already been replaced. I'm not single...yet I'm certainly not married. I don't live in Carthage, but I don't really live in Kansas City anymore either. I also realized that by the time I'm in my next apartment I will have moved 7 times in the last 4 years. Given how much I despise moving, I'm not sure why I thought all this was a good idea.

Oh life! No? I sometimes think my life would make an awesome TV show--because seriously, you can't write some of this stuf!!

New Take On Life!

Happy 2010! I really did start a post in January, and thought about continuing it several times after that but just could not bring myself to make all the changes I needed to. But here I am! Most of you are aware of what's goin on in my world by this time. If not, the new look and the previous post should give you some insight. If you're still not sure, thank I'm not quite sure what to tell you.

I have officially been in Kansas for a full year. It is amazing how much the world can change in one little year. Other than the state I live in, I can't think of a single thing in my life that hasn't changed this year. For the most part I'm good and am able to stay positive and look forward to the new things in my life. There are those days when I'm not so good and I get knocked back a notch or two. Some of those days I let myself stay in bed, some days I make myself get out and work on something.

I know there is a plan for my life that will, in the end, lead to the most extreme happiness I can imagine. I'm looking forward to that day!