I Shouldn't be Blogging

I'll make this quick because it is literally the second-to-last thing that I should be doing on my list of things I want to do.  (The absolute last is setting fire to and/or murdering something.)

It's finals week. As each day ticks by more and more of my fellow students get relieved and exciting with exclamations of "I'm Done!" or "One more and I'm outta here!" For me, each day brings more stress and anxiety and, with that, more procrastination. It is so frustrating to know exactly what you need to do and not be able to do it. This has been my worst semester since leaving Truman. I hate this feeling. I am so disappointed in myself. And, as is par for the course, I blame the ex. He's the only thing different this semester, other than it being a toughie. (And why not take every single opportunity to blame him while I can!?) Its not true. I don't blame him. I blame myself. I'm hoping that the next few weeks of testing, and sleep, etc. will bring clarity and resolution so I can power through these next 12 months. THat's it!! I have exactly one year left - I CAN DO THIS!! Suck it up! Get to work!

Also, while I have your attention, and since this is one of the safest places to voice this because it has no actual bearing on reality or what is happening...I want a baby. I want a family. ahhh to dream. Ok - Theory final, prepare to be dominated! (or at least survived)

Doldrums

I miss my OP life sometimes. Like...a lot of the times.  This is one of those times....that's all.

Hello Lovelies!

It's Spring, and oh how I love Spring! So many things are happening this spring that it is often overwhelming and certainly too time consuming to pop on and blog every day....not that I did that when my life was boring but still.

SO here is the rundown:

Italy = AMAZING!! Truly awesome in the literal sense of the word. We, of course did not have enough time but I am grateful for every second we were blessed enough to enjoy. Italy is a gorgeous country, we had beautiful weather, and I got to sing in some gorgeous old churches. Not to mention walking the hillsides and seeing roman ruins. I took approximately 1300 photographs in my 9 day journey. About 300 of them have been uploaded to Facebook should you feel so inclined to peruse. The people there were so welcoming and nice and adorable - yes adorable because so many of them are so very very little. Also the Market in Firenze (that's Florence to you non-world-travelers ;) ) is a great place for one's self esteem...so long as you can ignore the fact they are only saying such things to get you buy their goods. I can accept that. Flattery will get you everywhere in my world - just ask Franco who tied my scarf for me, or the man who called me Shakira. We're basically BFF's now. There was some discussion among the cool kids (That's me and my friends) about how we were afraid that some of these great places we'd heard all about and seen pictures of would "pull a Mt. Rushmore" . (If you've been to Mt. Rushmore you will understand...if you haven't then feel free to ask me and I will gladly explain.) We were, however, not in any way disappointed. The David will take your breath away! The Leaning tower of Pisa, does , IN FACT, lean. And you can't help but take several pictures of the touristy type. The Colosseum was incredible and our tour guide filled us in on so many neat little facts I never would have known before - like the fact that it has GATE NUMBERS that would have been carved on their TICKETS. Makes sense....but not what you expect from Gladiators and Chariot races. I could go on and on - but I will not bore you with details...unless you ask. 'cause then its your own darn fault!

School - School is kicking my butt this semester. 21 credit hours plus and additional 3 ensembles was not my best choice. I am afraid my GPA might drop a little this semester and I"m trying to tell myself that that is ok. I have to pass these classes....that's all I have to do is PASS. I am told frequently by others that they have faith in me, that they know I am strong and can do this...I fear I may have done too good of a job at faking it these last couple years.

Also - I'm pretty sure that I have some form of ADHD. I'm sure that many of you who have known me for more than, oh, let's say a week?, are in no way shocked at such a statement. I asked my mom if my teachers had ever approached her with concerns in this area, she said that they hadn't approached her but that it was something she'd been suspicious of all along. I have been warned in both my developmental psych class and my overview of special ed class that all people show most symptoms at some point in their life and so to beware of diagnosing yourself. That being said, the more we learn about the may incarnations of the disorder, the more and more it makes sense in my life. Should I be on Ritalin? Maybe. But...

OH before I forget!! I am hoping to do my senior recital in October of this year! Can you believe it's already time for that? I've been working on some pretty difficult pieces this semester and am surprising myself (and my instructor) with my progress on them. And of course, I'm excited for some fun theatre pieces as well.

(See what I did there? That was kinda funny huh?)

Damon and I are still together - yes I know many of you think this is weird but it works for us. And I love having a buddy to be lazy and watch movies with. And he lets me sing along to the musicals - even if he hasn't seen them before. That's just good manners!

Louie is doing well. He's been chasing the same fly all day and it is extremely entertaining for me, though I'm sure he is very frustrated. I am slightly worried he is going to break the window in the bedroom each time he slams his nose into it, but he's cute so why ruin his fun?

This is a very random post - blame the ADHD - but it is time for Institute and if I don't post now I'll never get back to it, at least not before September. SO have a delightful day and enjoy the Spring!!

Despite Rumors to the Contrary....

....I am, in fact, alive. I have not posted here since oh I don't know June? April? 2003? Whatever the point is I'm here now, take what you can get people!

This school year has been a lot more challenging and stressful than I had originally anticipated but I am surviving and maintain a pretty decent gpa. I moved out of my parent's house at the end of august and into a ghetto-fabulous duplex in Pittsburg. I can not begin to tell you the amount of relief that comes from NOT having a 40mile commute one-way to school every morning at 7 am! That being said, it is suddenly much easier to oversleep than it was before the commute...whoopsies. *Note to self...get your heiny outta bed!

Being on my own has brought a renewed sense of freedom and independence, and a neediness for my parents when something goes wrong. Last semester was ridiculous! Remember when I said my life was like a TV show and you all laughed like I was kidding? Yeah - days of our lives' got nothing on this! In fact other people told me last semester that my life was like television. I keep hoping that once A is fixed, B can be repaired, then C will be able to be taken care of and certainly D is the last MAJOR issue to come up....but I'm not holding my breath, lest E be a trip to the ER for symptoms of oxygen deprivation.

For those of you not in the know on the FB circuit, my divorce was FINALLY finalized on September 14, 2011. I am officially rid of the Velasquez name (except on my driver's license - that's next on the list). I am so grateful to be done with that hassle and hopefully the remnants of hassles will be resolved soon. That evening I went on my first date as a single lady. If you think that that was not wasting any time and perhaps too soon I would like to remind you that I had been separated for a full 2 years at this point. Not to mention the man that took me out, Damon, is very sweet and had waited for close to 6 months to do so, respecting the legal marriage. Damon and I have been dating ever since and its fun to have a boyfriend - though I'm certain I'm not very good at it most of the time and I panic over completely insignificant situations. He's very understanding and tries to hide his laughter at my ridiculousness, so for that I thank him.

This semester is shaping up to be even more crazy than the last so I must keep reminding myself it will all be worth it when I am student teaching next spring! Not to mention all the sweet things I get to do in this craziness including a trip to ITALY on a performance tour with the PSU choirs over spring break. It will be amazing, feel free to be jealous! For choirs alone we have a performance ever month, let me break it down for you in case you feel inspired to attend, or just so I have them all written in one place lest I forget:

April 29 - Fundraising concert at St. Peter's Episcopal in Pittsburg

March 9 - Spring Coir Concert, McCray Hall

March 17-26 - ItalyPerformance Tour

April 29 - "Psalmfest" concert at United Methodist in Pittsburg

I love to sing so I'm of course excited about all these opportunities but also know it will be a lot of work for my 4 ensembles in addition to my 20 other hours. Okay...deep breath.

So if I disappear into the ether again this semester, I apologize. They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger...so if it's been too long you might wanna come check on me. I might actually have been killed.

:D Love you all!!

Okay, Okay...I Get It!

I hate when my own words come back to bite me right in the bum. At that point what can you do but accept it and move on? I had one such moment this last week which I ALMOST didn't admit to. I am staying with the Stokes family during my summer in Overland Park and have had the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time with them for dinner, birthday parties, going to the theatre, and even voice lessons and dance class. After Dance class last week Adelyn (the eleven year old) was commenting that her least favorite part of dance was the stretching.

"What?! That was one of my favorite parts!" I remarked, remembering that great feeling of warming up and feeling lithe and limber in my younger days.
"But it hurts because she's trying to make us all be able to do the splits." Adelyn reasoned.
"Its a good hurt though. Just think how cool it will be when you can do the splits...ya know, I can do the splits!" I thought maybe the fact that old and chubbilicious Halley could bust out the splits might encourage her to keep pushing through the pain.

The next day or so as I was doing some studying I read a talk from Elder Richard G Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles entitled "Trust in The Lord." As I read his counsel and advice on where trials come from and how to face them I contemplated where I am in life, how I got to this point and how I could possibly get to where I want to be and then he said this:

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your own disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding and compassion, which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain."

OKAY OKAY I GET IT! My excuses of it hurting, being uncertain that I can handle some of these issues (or at least not wanting to) suddenly hold no water. I am constantly reminded that "Stretching" is one of my favorites...and to think how cool it will be when I can do or be whatever it is I am stretching towards.

Oh HI! I remember You!

Surprise! Its a post for Halley! What what what? Its true!

I have started a few posts in the last 6 months and abandoned them due to time constraints or the fact that there was simply too much to talk about and I didn't want anyone to feel overwhelmed--including myself. So now that I am mainly feeling just plain whelmed (I've travelled to Europe so I think this is OK) I thought I would do a quick update.

I finished my first year back to school with mixed success. Nothing below a B but some of the B's disagree with me. But I am not complaining. I am trying not to complain about most things these days because last Sunday as an EF5 tornado swept through the area of my hometown I realized that I have way more to be grateful for than I have thought about in a long time. I am so extremely blessed! My family and friends are all safe. The tornado passed right behind my brother's house but thank heavens he was headed to his girlfriend's in Carl Junction or he would have driven head on into it and I would probably be attending his memorial.

I am grateful for the thousands of volunteers that have come from all over to helpo Joplin dig out. Including the Elephats...yes ELEPHANTS from a circus passing through town that stopped to help move larger rubble and cars.

I am grateful for my amazing friends and those whom I have not seen in a long time. You are all still part of my life and part of my heart.

I am grateful for technology which has allowed me to stay updated and in contact with my friends at home while I am working in Kansas City. And I am grateful to be working and be with my dear friends from my time in Overland Park.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday weekend and were able to thank a soldier who has had an impact in your life.

Coulda, Shoulda...Didn't...Won't

I had such plans for my "back to school" blogpost. I was going to put a "first day of school" picture from my childhood and take one on August 23rd to commemorate my return to scholarly pursuits. Then I would discuss (as a well-educated college girl) the similarities and differences of my first day of grade school and the one I've just experienced, perhaps a venn diagram would be involved, there's no telling. Sounds positively insightful doesn't it? There are some significant problems with this idea: First, the lack of an easily accessible picture from my "first" day of school. (The use of quotations is significant only to the middle child in me who thinks it bears noting that my traditional "First Day of School" picture actually depicts my first day of first grade, not kindergarten.) I know its in the box of photos somewhere but that's a rabbit hole that always takes you a while to find your way out of. Secondly, I did not take a picture of my first day back to school because I was FREAKING OUT!! The level of anxiety about returning to school may, or may not, have been a little overly dramatic. Also, my mother mocked my anxiety and I can not imagine what asking her to take said photo would have given her in the way of mocking material not to mention what would have happened had my brother and/or father found out. Finally--I did not have the time or energy to do that post justice. It just wouldn't be fair of me to start such an amazing venture only to finish it half-assed because I forgot how EXHAUSTING school can be. Lets discuss that point for a second, shall we? I remember in high school going to school from 8-3 and then doing theatre and debate and showchoir and working and staying up late. Occasionally an early morning seminary attendance was thrown in there. For the last several years I have worked. --Ten-hour shifts at the hospital, more with privacy calls. In OP: 7:30am-1 with 3 girls under the age of three and then 1:30-5:30 in an office of men who acted under the age of 3 --and again, stayed up late on a regular basis. I have, apparently, aged 97 years in the last couple of months. I get up at 6, start class at 8, done by 3/3:30 but am falling asleep by 9:30pm. Aren't college kids supposed to be resilient? Aren't we supposed to be pulling all nighters and out partying til 3in the morning? I really need to be working but I can't imagine where I would get the energy to do so...so I guess its good nobody's hired me? I am obviously not a college kid any longer. I am reminded of this fact each and every morning at 8am when I join the ELEVEN-year-old college kid in my music theory class. Alex is a double major in piano performance and biology. So not only is he mega young, but he's a DOUBLE major...one of which is BIOLOGY. I apologize for the excessive (?) use of capitalization but I feel these points bear stressing as much as possible.

Other than that, school is good. Two weeks in and Halley's pulling Straight A's! WHAT?! yeah! Also I made both the small ensembles I auditioned for (one of which has me singing alto--yikes). I haven't quite reached the panicked-overwhelmed-feel-like-committing hari kari-stress yet so I'm looking forward to that! I am in percussion techniques where I learn how to play/teach percussion and, it turns out, my family was right--Halley is not a good drummer. Good call, Sagengs, Good call. I'm also in string techniques (I bet you can figure out what that class is for) and so far it's fun but I have to keep my fingernails short because Ms. Giray says they aren't just mine anymore--they're hers. At least the four that I place on the strings. She says I can keep the others long, So I'm considering that as my next fashion look.

I'm glad to be back in school and am adjusting back to student life. I've realized how vastly different the music program is from theatre and feeling like I may, actually, be prepared for my life beyond. Here's hoping!

Hey Remember That One Time?

Remember 2 years ago when I got married? What a difference a couple years can make eh? I am grateful to have had the time I had with Johnny and know that I will always have good memories of those short few years. I am also grateful to know that life isn't over because we didn't work out. I had an awesome opportunity to travel west last week and witness the marriage of two of the most amazing people I know, Ryan and Jannali! Looking at them reaffirmed my belief in the marriage ordinance--Jannali looked SO gorgeous and they were obviously SO happy and I know they are SO going all the way!! I was so blessed to be able to celebrate with them and see some great friends I haven't seen since my own reception. How awesome to be able to see these people 2 years later and not feel like a week had passed since then! I was also able to get some prayers and questions answered in attending the temple with my mom. I filled out divorce papers and delivered them to Johnny's parents for him to file. I don't know that he will follow through on it but I have done my part and it is on him til December. I got to spend some quality time with my nephew, Tristan. He has changed a bit since John and I used to babysit when he was a little turtle baby. I have been deemed Auntie "Ha" Halley is difficult to say (Even for many adults) and making him laugh is the funnest thing I can think of so I will take it!! It was quite the week Were there times that sucked the big cahones? Why yes, yes there were. Was it all worth it? You bet your sweet bippy it was!!

Mommy and I hitting the Road. In Coordinating outfits, of course!

Kimber Sue and I at the reception of the year! Can't wait to be her fake lesbian wife in Wyoming! HAHA

Andrea and Halley are pretty much models! So Hot right now!

My Wiggly lil' Nephew, Tristan and his Auntie Ha!

The Totally Gorgeous Bride and Groom. LOVE LOVE LOVE!!

Never Trust a Skinny Chef

My father is a subscriber to this belief system and so, as the resident chubster child, I made a tasty dinner for Father's day last week. I've had requests for recipes (because they were both delicious and healthy--don't tell Daddy) and I took some pictures to show off my kitchen adventures so as they say in Bud Light commercials: Here we go!


I made these Ooey Gooey Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese Icing the night before so Daddy could have them before church. They were SO good! At 120 Calories a piece you can afford, as Dad chose to do, to eat 6 before dinner!

It is not a very difficult recipe but it takes up some room so click HERE for the link if you want to try it yourself. They look a little messy in the pan but as you can see in this shot, it's just their amazingly delicious cinnamon ooziness spreading its love across the pan. I could eat one right now!

For dinner I made grilled round eye steaks (a delicious and healthy option when it comes to steak), fresh snow peas steamed from Mom's garden, baked russet potatoes, and these next two recipes.

I started with a baked version of the delicious-but-disgustingly-bad-for-you Onion Blossom. Instead of one or two JUMBO onions I did a medium/large onion for each person so it was slightly more labor intensive and I think had a little more breading than normal (I blame my mother for my math issues in quintupling the recipe). If you're good at math or are just going to follow the recipe, click HERE.

It was pretty good. DEFINITELY make sure the onions are dry before putting them in the egg wash or you will get frustrated! I also upped the calorie count by dipping mine in light ranch rather than the fry sauce they suggest.



And now for the piece de resistance: Key Lime Mousse Pie! No messing around here. This is the recipe everyone actually wants so I'll put it right at the beginning of my spiel so you don't have to read any further if you don't want to. If you choose not to read on, my tip for this recipe is make sure you have a deep pie pan. Mine was a bit shallow and nearly over-flowed.

Food is an experience for all senses so I tried to make it pretty. We sugared some fresh limes---just make sure you eat those before you dig into the pie. Afterwards its a bit...tart. We spruced it up a bit for Daddy (and the rest of us) by garnishing with Reddi-Whip. But hey, at a miniscule 15 calories per serving--so worth it! If you do choose to reddi-whip it, do so just before serving. We did ours earlier and just put it back in the fridge and the whip melted. (Bummer we had to add more...hehehe)

This is 1/8th of the pie which is equal to one serving. Without the added whipped cream it is only 88 calories. That's no pansy skinny girl slice of pie people, and it is only 88 calories. The pie itself is only 1 weight watcher's point, with 4 Tablespoons of reddi-whip it is still only 2. So delicious, so crave-able, so easy and equally easy on the waistline.

Sorry for the wait! Hope its worth it and with some of these recipes, I'll soon be untrustworthy as a chef. :D

Journeying On

I often wish my life was like an episode of Glee...that when the moment called for it I could bust into an awesome version of "Don't Stop Believing" or the classic "Ice Ice Baby" and yes, occasionally "Poker Face"--don't judge! Even without the back up band and ensemble and with a somewhat lacking production value, I try to live my life as a musical (or at least with a killer soundtrack). Songs particularly fitting with my life at the moment seem to find their way from chaos and into a loop in my head. This does not annoy me--I apologize if it annoys you when I randomly start singing along with the non-existent-in-reality background music. One such song has brought itself to my attention today. I can't tell you the last time I actually heard this song or watched the beloved cartoon musical for which it was penned, it just was something my life needed today. Ignore the part about the past--that doesn't make sense, I am not a amnesiac princess who was abandoned by her family (though what a blog THAT would make!)--but focus instead on the references to future, family, and the journey. One step at a time...its playing in my head right now! Do you hear it?

Heart, don't fail me now
Courage, don't desert me
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear
Or how the world can seem so vast
On this journey...to the past

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong!
Arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
Fin'lly home where I belong
Well, Starting now, I'm learning fast
On this journey...to the past

Home, Love, Family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home, Love, Family
I will never be complete
Until I find you...

One step at a time,
One hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future,
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign!
Let this road be mine!
Let it lead me to my past
to bring me home...
At last
-Journey to the Past from Anastasia

PS~If you were able to read that and NOT sing along, you might be heartless and we probably can't be friends. LOVES!!